kind, sober, and fully dressed

idk who needs to hear this rn but...

be an adult and clean ur gotdam pillows n sheets

tiddywife asked:

ᴠɪʙᴇ ᴄʜᴇᴄᴋ

*spins you, dips you, and kisses you*

vibe check !

boob nice

cottagewife here today w prime relateable lesbian content

tiddywife asked:

ok so are we gonna become gay pirates and rule the 7 seas or what

listen babe, you bring the ravishing good looks and ill bring the cutlass

nobody:

me, every single day: god i wish i had a gf hhhhhhhHHHHHHH

hello gays what's up??

personally, im still yearning

the person im interested in, over and over again: UGH i want a gf so bad :/

me, doing everything in my power to show my interest in them in a respectful and non-predatory way: :) ?

them: no not like that 

stuff that's better than the invention of sliced bread:

- butches 😍

- butches in suits 😍😍

- a butch who will love me for who i am and love me for the rest of our lives 😍😍😍

someday i'll be the real cottagewife but first i gotta be the cottagedate

don't be a dumb gay bitch like me. i yearn and yearn but never ask any girls out

i just yearn and hope somebody else will ask me out

who wants to be a lesbian pirate power couple? you'll be the butch pirate most people think is a man and i'll be the femme princess you seduce and convince to join your pirate crew

me me me me me me me 

by Noah Silliman on Unsplash 

god i want to be a butch's bride

I WOULD LIKE TO BE A GIRL'S HANDSOME BUTCH GROOM TY.....

there are two genders in this world

Here's some halloween food discourse for y'all

Is candy corn good or bad? Discuss.

Personally, I like it. It's not my favorite candy but I don't understand the hate.

the colors r fun but it's tooth-rottingly sweet and tasteless 

uh oh! it's

ᶦ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ᵃ ᵇᵘᵗᶜʰ ᵍᶠ

i am a butch who wants a gf who wants a butch gf......LADIES HMU IM SO LONELY!!

me: hey lets get dinner

my stomach: no. we're not hungry. if you even think about food you're going to want to cry

me, not eating: uh. ok?

my stomach, 4 seconds later: FEEDMEFEEDMEFEEDMEFEEDMEFEEDME -

this is not hyperbole btw

i missed dinner bc i didn't have an appetite but just woke up @ 4am w my stomach throbbing in pain so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

im. sick of being single, actually

me: hey lets get dinner

my stomach: no. we're not hungry. if you even think about food you're going to want to cry

me, not eating: uh. ok?

my stomach, 4 seconds later: FEEDMEFEEDMEFEEDMEFEEDMEFEEDME -

yes hi hello there, im a homosexual deprived of cuddles, please give me attention

do yall know that feeling of like. having people that are romantic-partner-adjacent, where they're so close & yet so far from actually being gf potential? bc i have....like six people like that rn lmao

This little Carolina Wren flew into our house today. After about 20 minutes I was able to catch it and hold it for a couple minutes before releasing it back outside. I think they're grateful -- or at least don't completely hate us -- because they hung out on the fence for a while afterwards.

two (2) of my friends, being somewhat slow to respond/apathetic in messaging for their own personal reasons: 

me, with anxiety: They Must Hate Me I Am The Scum Of The Earth I Am Unworthy Of The Air I Breathe I Wish My Atoms Would Disassemble And Become The Dust Which Scatters Over The Sea